On Integrity and remorse...

Posted by CBA6 on Jun 6th 2025

The archaic textbook programming would dictate that integrity is defined by "doing the right thing even when no one is looking." Hardly invoking depth of thought...

How about an engineering perspective on integrity – "It resists collapse, excessive deformation, or failure under normal and extreme conditions. The structural system behaves as a cohesive whole, with components properly connected and designed to share loads (lol)." Chuckles aside, if someone sees you as having integrity and defined you that way, wouldn't you feel emboldened by that statement?

Integrity is built into the value system or company values of almost every institution. Like "respect" or "loyalty"... loyalty is unshakeable without betrayal, isn't that similar to our definition of integrity then? Loyal to one's self, not betraying oneself, we approach a stronger deep-rooted sense of integrity, much more befitting of the structural understanding.

The hard thing is sometimes preserving integral strength, loyalty to oneself, when overwhelmingly opposed. The coping mechanisms humans use to deal with their sense of predefined lack of choice in many instances is a consequence of a lack of bravery, more correctly a perceived inability to exert one's strength. Self-preservation is the most common indirect side effect of this (paraphrasing Nietzsche). We'll utilize any system necessary externally to reinforce belief that this was the "right decision" at the time depending on the situation. Drugs, sex, spending, drinking a 4 Loko shooting a Desert Eagle at the sun...

METT-TC dictates willingness to action? Since when?

Yet, we approach another issue which is by all means the definition of "right"? Is there a right–wrong dichotomy in every situation? We're highly inclined to look for confirmation in black and white, but we have all made a decision that was "the lesser of two evils." This is a wrong and a slightly more wrong by its own interpretation, a decisive action taken discerning which of the two is more acceptable at the moment. A moment, affected by so many exterior and interior factors that we can look back on and torture ourselves with later, or utilize coping to ease the suffering inherent to these choices.

There is in fact an alternate choice process that would allow us to reduce suffering, build bravery, and stay loyal to ourselves. That's integrity. The integral choice is an awareness of one's own perception of right, and the obstinate position taken to maintain it.

PTSD is an example of this previously mentioned torture, and is often the result of an unknown choice being made. Forgive my GWOT brain, but consider a scenario where there's a little kid in Fallujah running between buildings with the RPG reloads for uncle "Mahmoud Mo'Secret Touches" upstairs who uses it to murder Bullet Billy your battle buddy from 2-19th INF on Sand Hill, and you didn't yell "die motherfucker die" with a 6-9 round burst from the M240B on the rugrat... a decision you have to wonder now... "WHAT IF". The what ifs will rip you to pieces. Forever wondering if you'd be playing "Edward 40-hands" in ALC together and getting kicked out the Sharky's lunch buffet (RIP) if you'd have just done your job.

Scenario two, Salty SSG with a wife and 1-year-old daughter who keeps a Spikes AR15 under the side of the bed hears a bump in the night, moves to the doorway and takes a dominant position on the hallway... Enter a young future doctor or astronaut stumbling into the hallway holding a HiPoint stating "where is that bitch?" Our handsome barrel-chested paragon slams a 77gr shooty pebble through the assailant's upper lip, and a handful of "security shots" through his falling corpse.

Legal battle aside, does SSG Bignutz lose any sleep over the CONUS kill? Or maybe just wonder why he had a sliding door security bar in his Amazon cart still...

The choice was to follow his soul and protect the things he loves. When you learn to practice integrity it becomes cyclical (grunts; that means it makes a circle). The choice to stay loyal to yourself makes you love yourself, and protect yourself, and have percieved personal value and that means keeping your head off the sewer slide, and focused on checking in with the boys once in a while and saving up for the Traeger of your dreams.

Integrity isn't JUST doing the right thing, it's being true to yourself even when everything contradicts your truth you carry in the depths of your soul. You still push forward. Bravery is muscle memory, it comes from the practice of values applied in real time, over a lifetime of learning. This is what I care about, this is what C cares about. Building strength in the person, the team, survivability, capability, and knowing that a person can be trusted to their core. This is what we founded the organization on, and this is what we're here for—for you, for Billy, for the gunner—be there for yourself.

PS Both Scenarios are direct experiences from people I served with. Thanks to them, even if they never know how much I learned from their suffering.

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